Since I was little, my mom has advised me to make friends, mingle, communicate, and have pleasing moments with those socializations at some time. But she never forgets to remind me: don’t get attached too much because you never know the importance of your presence in their life, no matter how they make it transparent. Her assertion constructs how I have become until now.
But again, it’s unbelievable to create no mistakes — or some decisions have led me to think, “Damn. I’ve made mistakes.”
Perhaps, those are not such missteps. This piece of my life could notify me that there are alternative pathways I could prefer in the future instead of choosing the same patterns of the route previously. Maybe if I didn’t undergo these ‘missteps,’ I would never realize.
What I implied: I once put high trust in some people, the ones I suppose could evermore hold in touch with me. The problem was: my expectation was as high as my faith. The actuality that I drove myself to fall to the ground while my head once was on the cloud is traumatic. I believe I’ve learned a lot from that.
And now, I am satisfied with being on my own. Yet it doesn’t mean friends are never necessary. I am clarifying that they are one of the most essential aspects of my life. But standing freely in every occurrence makes me sense to recognize myself more. And more. I don’t need to wait for someone. At the same time, someone doesn’t have to wait for me. In every case and moment. What a win-win resolution! I am also delighted to be surrounded by kind-hearted friends. Sometimes I feel like they don’t have to do good things for me because I barely do such things for them. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it. But I really appreciate it.
Good people always exist among the cruelty of reality.
And, after all, it’s all about how to get used to ‘bizarre’ things — by not freaking out when no one’s around and sensing you are left behind; by accepting that you haven’t found the one who will be 24/7 listening to your random story or the book you just finished reading; by discovering that you’re not the only one who carries weights; by feeling okay to get ignored; by not blaming yourself from bypassing concerns that make you can’t sleep — until you realize that you just… live so alive. You’re living and finding ‘normal’ occurrences.
I am glad I am brave enough, even at the least courageous, always to be okay to capture these days by myself. Having someone to rely on is sometimes not a must. Off and on, we need it. We crave it. But most of the time, we can’t always force what we want, even what we need, to be happening right away.
That’s when we’re assessed.
We are tested to remain standing by ourselves, striding by the edge between giving up or going straight, especially when people turn away.
Here is just a reminder for myself — for you who read, it is okay to be alone. It is okay to choose to be alone. Just don’t be so hard on yourself because, again: good people always exist among the cruelty of reality.
But in the end, everything will always be back to you. You’re your decision holder — just you. Again: it’s all about how to get used to things you once think they’re so ‘bizarre’.
